Let me start off by making sure everyone knows that I'm not a very good writer (you can tell by the contents of this blog). However, I am very adept at reading and for a book review, that's really all that matters. While it may be good to "read like a writer and write like a reader," a lot of people just read like readers. In other words, I'm looking at this book more as reader, and less as a writer.
I wasn't (and am still) not expecting much. The author's name is Phillip "Big Dog" Jones and the book was self published. Then, there are some content issues. There are these random insertions that could have been deleted or incorporated into previous or following paragraphs, and this book is in no way appropriate for 13 year old kids. Eragon got a little risque sometimes (which was fine), but this book is 100 times worse (I can't believe the author compared it to Narnia. Narnia was totally christian. It had morals, but this is no where near that).
As for the issue of the author's name. I have never in my life seen any author give them selves a title besides perhaps Royal Historian of Oz or something like that. "Big Dog"? Honestly? Are you a wrestler or an author? It looks and sounds unprofessional and geeky, which isn't the kind of impression I would want to give potential readers especially if I'm the new kid on the block. Maybe a little teenager will think it's cool, but if you want to be successful as an author, you need to appeal to as many people as possible. Adults will not see "Big Dog" as a good thing.
As for the issue of the author's name. I have never in my life seen any author give them selves a title besides perhaps Royal Historian of Oz or something like that. "Big Dog"? Honestly? Are you a wrestler or an author? It looks and sounds unprofessional and geeky, which isn't the kind of impression I would want to give potential readers especially if I'm the new kid on the block. Maybe a little teenager will think it's cool, but if you want to be successful as an author, you need to appeal to as many people as possible. Adults will not see "Big Dog" as a good thing.
I haven't had very good experiences with self published books. The ones that aren't full of grammatical errors are filled with plot, setting and character errors and sometimes they have all four. So far, this book is no exception. While I haven't caught any serious grammatical mistakes yet and I'm not far in enough to talk about the plot, the setting and characters need some serious help.
The author begins by telling me that I'm dead and he frequently refers to us as souls. He also says we're in a Book of Immortality. The problem is that if I'm dead, why don't I know that? Why don't I remember life? What's the difference between life and death? Last I checked, souls don't bleed, but I do, so do I have a body or not? If this is death, what is or was life? Of course, I understand that all of this is fantasy, that, as far as I can tell, I am alive and that some day I'm going to die and really become just a soul or spirit. But there needs to be a suspension of disbelief, some explanation as to how his world can be possible, so that I can believe the story could be true. By saying I'm dead and that I'm just a soul the author needs to explain what death and souls are, otherwise I'll have to use my own definitions and by those I am neither dead nor just a soul but very much alive as a soul and a body.
The author also fails to adequately explain the destruction of the universe and my preservation inside this Book of Immortality. He says it happened 14,000 years ago. The world he describes just before the universe is destroyed is exactly like ours, complete with Texans, RVs and sex obsessed men who don't have a life. So...what's been happening for 14,000 years and why do I (or why does the human race) not remember these 14,000 years happening? As far as I know, the modern world as we know it has only been around for less than 50 years and it keeps changing, meaning time isn't at a stand still (besides, I'm reading the darn book aren't I? So I can't be frozen in time). I honestly can't see how this happened, why I don't know this and why it even matters because if life is like death than why not stay dead (the plot is about three people trying to create worlds again so people can live)? I haven't gotten very far, but I have already lost all belief in the story because I don't understand the setting.
Then there's the characters. I hate all three. One of them can't exist (although, now the author is beginning to mention that he might not be completely human, so I guess I'll see what happens) because, unfortunately, geniuses who graduate from med school at 16 aren't hot because their chromosomes are all messed up. The other male is so obsessed with sex and girls that I don't think he really cares about his daughter at all and the girl is stupid, self centered and has an accent that must have been annoying to write and is definitely annoying to read. A simple, "she had a Texan accent," the use of some Texas sayings and a few abbreviations would have been appropriate.
None of them seem real. I don't know who the author hangs out with, but if his friends act like this, then he must have a sad life. These people don't make sense to me. They don't have motivation and they seem contradictory. I know that real people are complicated, and that we can contradict ourselves a lot. But does a conman really care that much about sex? And if he does, would he really care about his daughter? With the way the sex obsessed conman treats women, I can't see how he wouldn't even try to molest his daughter. Every time the author talked about how much he loved her and wanted to protect her, I kept thinking "You're lying. You only want him to like his daughter, but he doesn't."
There are some content issues that should be addressed as well. The author puts in these random insertions that could just be deleted or incorporated elsewhere because it's annoying to keep taking me out of the story to tell me useless information. I feel like I'm reading the story, and scene finishes and BREAK! We go off on this random tangent which I think is going to go somewhere but then there is another BREAK! Back to the story. It's odd and pointless.
For example, I don't need to know that there are over 500 employees in Sam's family practice. It's a 13 story building, I can guess that there are a lot of employees, and I can guess that they have doctors and nurses and even a janitorial staff. But do I really need to know that there are over 500 employees? And, every time there's a break (or a least many times), he starts off with "Now...fellow soul..." I know what I am, you don't have to keep reminding me. You can just start.
One more thing. This book is in no way appropriate for 13-15 year old kids. There is too much swearing and suggestive content for 13 year olds and I'm not even to page 100. I know our standards are dropping rapidly (most movies rated PG-13 should be R and most movies rated PG should be PG-13), but do we really want 13 year olds swearing so they can be as cool as a character in a book or movie? Do we really want to expose them to sexual material before they should be reproducing? Do we really want pregnant teenagers? According to our entertainment, we do. This book is more for mature teens, probably around 16. Not all 13 year old kids can take this material maturely. Besides, I really don't see a point to all the swearing. Sure, you want the characters to have this bad-a feel, but they don't need to swear that much. Same with the sexual content. Okay, the character has probably been sexually active since he was 10 years old. We get that, it's part of modern life (sadly), but do we really need to know about it? I can't help but think that Phillip doesn't have sex very often and makes up for it by writing about beautiful women who's sole purpose is to arouse the main character (and, therefore, himself). That's really the feeling I get when I read this.
That was more of a rant then I intended. To be honest, the action sequence when genius guy was fighting the Brazilian was good (and the author pretty much nailed the Brazilian accent. I would know, I'm Brazilian). But I'm not very far in the book and I've already noticed some major setting and character issues, not to mention the content problem. I wonder if the author ever took this to a publisher and if he did, why he didn't get the hint that this story isn't good enough to be published. It's a good start, though. With some practice, Phillip could become a good story teller, but it would take time and patience.
To be continued...
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